Let’s explore the next stop on this journey called life, healing, and revelations. Now that I had found my voice, it was time to reclaim my identity. I realized I had to find the voice of the little girl and the teenager to give my voice depth on this journey. One of my greatest revelations was I could not unite the voices of the teenager with the woman. It was difficult to move past my choices and decisions, evidence of my trauma. I was carrying a heavy steamer trunk filled with destructive emotions, such as, regret, suicidal thoughts, and un-forgiveness.
We often think of forgiving others, but we don’t always think about forgiving ourselves. I found it was easier to forgive the individual who changed the trajectory of my life years’ ago, than to forgive myself. Sounds crazy right? It seemed easier because I was the victim and I had no reason to apologize.
But when it came to forgiving myself…..THIS WAS HARD!!! I had to stand in my truth, and own my stuff. My truth…I was a hot mess! I had to give myself permission to see my worthy and let myself off the hook for choices and decisions I allowed to define me. For years’ I had been my own jailer in a prison I created. I gave individuals power over me they didn’t know they had. It took months for me to finally come to the place where I could say “I forgive myself for…” This was just as freeing as finding my voice!!
Here is perfect example: For many years, I never gave a woman who has been part of my life since high school a chance or permission to get to know me and nor did I have any interest in getting to know her. However, she became fully acquainted with my “representative”. My Truth…I did not even consider myself worthy enough to be her friend. But after forgiving myself, I opened myself up to the possibility of receiving forgiveness. Do you want to know the crazy part? She had always considered us friends and never knew that I felt this way. She and I are now on the road to building a sisterly bond. Hey Tiff!!!
What did I learn through all of this? Forgiveness leads to freedom, humility, and new relationships. As your coach, let me help guide you through this process as I want the best you to always show up and not your “misrepresentative”. As you begin to think about taking your own forgiveness journey, take a moment and recognize where you are. This is a journey one cannot take if they are not prepared to look in the mirror. The first step is to open your heart and mind to endless possibilities.
Ask yourself a few questions: What do you need to do before you can forgive? Are you ready to give yourself permission to go through this process? Can you give yourself permission to be worthy of forgiveness? Can you give yourself grace? Are you ready to have hard conversations with others to ask for forgiveness? Are you ready to forgive others?
Recap: On my forgiveness journey, I have found my voice, my sound and now my freedom. I am taking back my power. I feel a grace from God that has allowed me to hear His desires for me, which is to help others see and achieve greatness. Don’t allow un-forgiveness to cloud the vision you have for your life.